Friday, May 14, 2010

May 14th

I am generally satisfied with my life.

It's strange for me to say this, because I never can predict the moment it turns. It seems to have been some time (although it always seems long enough since the last time that I forget what it's like), and I don't want to jinx it.

So it feels so trivial and stupid to even care about this. But lately, I've been in the situation where I'm the third, or fifth, or seventh wheel. Or conversations at picnics turn to discussions of boyfriends, and I'm surpised that I'm the only one in the group of a half dozen girls sitting in a circle without a boyfriend, who has never had one. I pretend to be engrossed in my phone, as I feel the sun burning my back.

It's not even something I care about when I'm by myself. I like my space as much as I dislike most people. I'm about as affectionate as petrified wood. It's only when I'm surrounded by people in happy relationships that it becomes a has/has-not. And I hate being a has-not, even if it's something I don't need. I have tried on jeggings, I buy big sunglasses even though they make me look like a bug. I just want to fit in.

Jesus I feel like I'm in middle school again. Good thing I'm graduating college this weekend.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Funny, within the music faculty, that any professor I've worked with generally has good things to say about me, but the ones who have never worked with me are always negative.

Meh, whatever. I'm proud of how I did, and how I've grown this year.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


I am so thankful for all of my friends here. I have many people here that I care about, and that I know I will miss when I leave. There are a few people who can go fuck themselves, but I don't need to do anything. I'm sure their unprofessional and rude attitudes will fuck them over later in life. And that's all I have to say on that subject.