Thursday, January 22, 2009

Inspired by Jason

First of all, two blog posts in a day.

Second of all, it is 12:04. This is the latest I've stayed up in such a long time, including going out and partying twice (although apparently not well because I was home before midnight for both). I went ice skating-it was free and rentals were cheap. Met a really nice guy-too bad there was a huge language barrier. We groped around with each other's languages, but that's about it. Still, was significantly less sketchy, and within a decade of my age, which was nice.

So, number three. Inspired by a blog by Jason about foodstuffs he was able to cook while abroad, here are the recipes I can share. I think I have become a horrible cook.

Tonight I lit spaghetti on fire. It was hanging over the edge of the pot and was set aflame. So again, expect great things from me.


Uneatable chili:
Step one: soak the beans overnight. Find out as they peel that they are not, in fact, kidney beans. Ignore this fact.
Step two: cook beans. Since recipes online recommend anywhere from a half hour to two and a half hours cooktime, sample beans, from hard and starchy at 30 minutes to mushy and bitter at 2.5 hours. Decide they will be ok.
Step three: saute an onion and some garlic. Just throw the cloves of garlic in whole, they'll be fine. Toss in some of what you hope is beef but aren't sure, as the last time you bought meat it turned out to be pork. This part is actually ok. Add tomatoes.
Step four: add entire container of chili powder. Since it seems like the amount you add back home, it should be fine. Cover and ignore for an hour or so.
Step five: sample chili by dipping finger in sauce. Run to fridge for a glass of milk, because having a milk stomachache is much better than the heartburn that will ensue from eating this chili. Decide adding beans will help this.
Step six: add beans. Taste chili. Still spicy. Add more tomatoes.
Step seven: serve, warn that it's "kind of hot."
Step eight: run to fridge, grab glasses of milk for people to pour in chili, along with rice cakes and bread to cut the heat.
Step nine: pour into pot, shove in fridge, decide to fix later.
Repeat steps six through nine until no more chili is left.

Step one: buy cheap lettuce at Nachstmarkt.
Step two: rinse, dry, and cut.
Step three: in a small cup mix in what you have left of the following that the previous tenants left: olive oil, apple vinegar, white vinegar, balsamic vinegar, pepper, salt, curry, more olive oil, soy sauce, and another kind of vinegar.
Step four: toss. Roommate suggests that it's ".... ok. It tastes kind of vinegar-y."
Step five: the next day, don't be such a cheapass. Think of what Kaity does, and buy Worcesterschire sauce and garlic powder, and good balsamic vinegar. Add these ingrediants and olive oil.
Step five: this is actually kind of good.

"Asian" "Noodles"
Step one: boil water
Step two: prepare what I thought were rice noodles but are actually really thin soba noodles by tossing them in the water. Ignore the dry noodles hanging over the edge.
Step three: remove noodles from the stove because they are on fire. Shove in sink, turn on the faucet and fan. Tell your roommates that you are usually not a huge dumbass. Try and trim the burnt edges off with scissors, but they just fall back into the pot.
Step four: douse thoroughly, toss in garbage. Move pot to smaller burner and start again.
Step five: in small cup, mix olive oil, balsamic vinegar, worcestershire sauce, and small jar of some sort of hot chili sauce-asiatische specializertnesrn.... Wish that you knew more German, so you could have talked to that guy you met while skating, and not the guys who asked for a "chai five" and then took your picture while you struggled to skate.
Step six: toss and serve. Be amazed that it's actually edible.

Future topics include how to make tea, how to boil chickpeas, how to make mimosas, how to open cans, etc.

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